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Delays and Detours

 So about a month ago I went back to see my consultant for a post op check up and to get my pathology results. I went in there feeling pretty good and expecting just to talk about radiotherapy. Ha! I couldn’t have been more wrong!! Firstly the pathology results. I knew there were 3 small tumours but pathology found an extra one making four in total. They also found 3 clusters of DCIS which is a type of non invasive cancer that has the potential to become invasive. Also surgery did not have clear margins on one side. All the lymph nodes were removed, I knew the 2 biopsied had cancer cells but pathology found 7 positive nodes out of the 22 removed. None of this was good news! The amount of tumours and the unclear margin made a mastectomy a necessity. The number of positive lymph nodes meant the chances that this had spread elsewhere had increased. My consultant said I would need a bone scan and ct scan before progressing. He tried to reassure me that the surgery had got all the visible c
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Lip service

 People are funny. When I first published the blog posts about having breast cancer, I got lots of messages and comments. It was quite uplifting as some were from people that I don’t really talk to as well as from people that I expected to respond. The funny thing is that after that, the messages dried up. Now cancer doesn’t go away overnight and, to be honest, I’ve had a setback that means I’ll be in some sort of treatment until next Spring. I’ve come to the conclusion though that a lot of those initial messages were just lip service. People felt oh I’ve commented and said let me know if you need anything so I’ve done my bit now I’ll just get on with my life. I don’t know if being a society soaked in social media has contributed to this. People feel they can keep up with your life without actually having to see or talk to you. Maybe it’s because they just don’t really care enough? Who know? Maybe I’m just bitter but I think I would have checked in with someone more often if they were
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A New Normal

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted that Damien the bastard tumour is gone but now that the initial healing is over, it’s taking a while to adjust to this being my new normal. It hasn’t helped that the past week has been rough. Last Friday I thought I might have an infection in the wound, Doctor would not fit me in so I was sent to a poly clinic. Nurse there literally glanced at my boob and then prescribed antibiotics. Next day I started taking them and on Sunday I had the most awful reaction to them and physically couldn’t continue. So I headed to my local hospital in search of help. Doctor I saw this time thought I might have a very slight infection and gave me a cream. Since then the wound has calmed down but one patch is oozing slightly at times.  The only good point of the week was going for physio and basically being discharged because I’ve done well. I have new exercises and can start soft tissue massage. I felt quite good after this but yesterday probably used my arm too much an
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Recovery

 I thought I would just cover a few things here that anyone who is themselves or who has a loved one going on this rollercoaster journey like me, might find useful or interesting. 1. You will feel better once you’re home, everyone does, but don’t expect to feel normal! Get help, don’t do too much and if help isn’t automatically offered then demand it!! 2, if you come home with a drain, stick it in a tote bag that you can put on your shoulder. Easiest way to carry it and not forget it.  3. Take the painkillers and don’t be a hero! You will know your own pain tolerance so judge it accordingly. For me, so far paracetamols have been enough. I took codeine once but didn’t like how I felt. 4. Your bowels will be a bit buggered up. Surgery does this and codeine can make it worse. I was given medicine to help and also am eating fruit and prunes! 5. Rest but walk as well! Energy levels will vary but I have found that once I started walking more, my general health felt better. 6. Do your exercis
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A Journey Part 2 - hello from the other side

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 Well, here I am! Operation was on Wednesday and today is Friday. It’s been quite an intense few days. So we were told to get to the hospital by 8am on Wednesday to have guide wires inserted. This is when they use ultrasound to place wires into the areas to be removed to help guide the surgeon.  Only issue was that the radiologist had called in sick. They had managed to get another one to cover but we had to wait for her arrive. It was about 10 when she saw me. I was supposed to have 2 wires inserted - one for Damien the bastard tumour and one for an area that hadn’t been biopsied but that looked a bit suspicious. The radiologist though spotted a 3rd tiny area that she felt looked dodgy. She wanted to put a wire in it to ensure it was taken out too but had to get my surgeon to agree first. He was in theatre so there was a huge delay but he did agree. So by lunchtime I had 3 wires stuck in my boob and was waiting on the ward. Now I’d been told my op would be at 8:30am but at this point
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Fear and Fatigue

 I didn’t expect to feel so tired when I haven’t even started treatment yet and I’m still 10 days from surgery. Apparently Damien the bastard tumour may be releasing proteins into my bloodstream that can cause fatigue, that’s nothing to do with it spreading, by the way. Also I’m taking no supplements at the moment so my hormones are completely mental which may account for some of the fatigue. Plus stress is probably another factor! As for fear. It’s there all the time. After diagnosis I had to go to bed completely exhausted so my mind didn’t start the spiral of blind panic. Now it’s pretty much a constant low level of fear with moments still of knee trembling terror. I think it’s normal to be scared and also I’m not good at waiting for things. It’s also a lack of control and fear of the unknown. So much depends on the surgery. It goes well with clear margins and my treatment plan simplifies. Worse case scenario means another 8 hour surgery with 12 weeks recovery. Then chemo, radiothera
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A journey part 1

Ok, deep breath, here I go. So breast cancer has been a lurking presence in my life for a long time. My mum had it twice. First time she had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy. Second time after repeated lumpectomies she ended up with a mastectomy and a decade on hormone treatment. I had it drummed into me about how to check and what to do to mitigate the fact that I was higher risk because of my mum.  Anyway on 26th April I found a tiny lump while in the shower. We were going to Coventry that weekend so I brooded on it until Monday and then pulled on my big girls pants and got an emergency doctors appointment. She confirmed it was there and very small (1-2 cm) she referred me immediately to the hospital and I got an appointment for 9th May.  I spent the time waiting for the appointment googling different things it could be apart from cancer. My appointment included a multitude of tests. I had a mammogram first, then a second one with higher contrast,  then an ultrasound where the radiologi
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